I Have Failed
I have failed. Well, there’s nothing new in THAT sentence. Not from MY perspective, at least. I fail on a daily basis. I fail to keep my temper. Fail to get the household chores done. Fail to stick to my diet. Well, at least as closely as I should anyway.
However, today I am thinking of another area I have failed in; the area of being a wife and mother. After reading Proverbs 31:10-31 (NIV), I am ashamed to say I am not close to this biblical example of the perfect wife. But who is? Yes, I know the areas I need to work on like being more productive with my time and not getting short tempered with my husband and at least SOME cooking. It’s the area of my heart that concerns me the most. Verse 30 says: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Am I charming? I can be…when the occasion calls for it. Am I beautiful? In my own eyes I’m not, but as we all know; beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Do I fear God? If, as I have been taught, the word “fear” when used in this way means respect, then I often fail in this area. Do I love God? Yes. Am I thankful to God for all He does for me? All the blessings I have? Yes. Do I lean on Him when I am weak? Certainly, but I fall short in the area respect.
I do respect His power and authority; however, I tend to think I can do what I want to do as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. But if it is against God’s will, it does hurt someone; sometimes myself, sometimes my witness, sometimes others I don’t even realize that it’s hurting, but always God.
When I choose to disobey Him, I am choosing to disrespect Him. And that is something that I have to work on; me and God, in our walk together. Something I need to bring to Him and let Him have. My will is something I must turn over to God. It may not turn out the way I hope, but it will, inevitably turn out for my good.
In the end, what He wants for me IS my good. “For I know the plans I have for you.” Declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)
He has only my good in His heart, at the center of my will.
So, why do I resist being there? I resist because my will gets in the way. I want to get in there and fix things. As if God needs my help or my meddling to accomplish His perfect will. He doesn’t need my help. He only needs my willingness to be His empty vessel. He needs my willingness to be available and listening for His call.
So, here I am once again at His feet bowing in contrition, repentance and respect.
Dear Lord, please forgive me for allowing my will to get in the way of yours. Please remind me that only you have my best interest at heart. Please go before me today and always and steer me into the center of your perfect will.
Shape me into the woman that pleases only you.
Lord, you may have to remind me that only you direct me.
Thank you, Dear Lord, for all of my many blessings. Amen.”